Dwayne Michael Carter Jr., popularly known as Lil Wayne, has spoken in a new interview about his struggles with mental health as a child, opening up about how he attempted suicide at the age of 12.
The revelation came in an exclusiveΒ interview with former NFL star and current Fox Sports analyst Emmanuel Acho, during an appearance Lil Wayne made on Achoβs YouTube series, Uncomfortable Conversations.
The rapper said he was opening up about mental illness with the hope toΒ encourage viewers to take the subject more seriously, seeking help when they feel they may need it.
β[Iβm] hoping I can help anyone else out there whoβs dealing with mental health problems byβ¦ being vulnerable,β Wayne said. βTo me, I look at it by being brave and stepping up.β
Wayne told Acho that he first noticed his mental health becoming unstable around age 10, which eventually progressed into suicidal ideation. He noted that he reached a breaking point after a particularly turbulent moment with his mother, when she denigrated his ambitions of becoming a rapper and threatened to throw out a folder of his material.
β[The] main thought was, βIβm gonna show you.β So I picked up the phone, I called the police. Yes, I knew where she kept her gun. And it was in her bedroom. And so I went in her bedroom,Β grabbed the gun β I already made the phone call β looked in the mirrorβ¦β
Wayne explained that he initially pointed the gun to his temple, but was spooked upon making the gesture. He insteadΒ shot himself in the chest, but βdidnβt feel a thingβ due to shock, instead passing out and waking up to the sound of police knocking on his motherβs bedroom door. He credits a sheriff that he nicknamed Uncle Bob for saving his life, recalling Bob hovering over him and repeating, βYouβre not going to die on me.β
Growing up, Wayne said, he struggled to articulate his struggles with mental health, particularly being surrounded by people that didnβt understand the severity of the topic.
βYou have no one to vent to, no one to get this out to,β he said. βYou canβt bring it to your friends at school β youβre still trying to be cool to them. Youβre not trying to let them know youβve got something going on at home.
βThere is no bar to measure how real [mental health is]. Itβs real. Itβs so real that if someone even has the guts, the heart, the bravery, whatever to at least admit that they have something going on up there that theyβre not sure about, itβs so real that we should only react in the realest way possible.β
Wayne also discussed the impact fame had on his mental health, saying he struggled with loneliness when he made it back to his tour bus after shows, wondering if people around him were only there to feed off his fame.
He continued: βYou start to think, β[Does] anyone actually care? Will it matter when itβs all over? Will I matter?β And thatβs always the question. Will you matter when itβs all over? Not the things youβve done, the things youβve done for everyone else, but will you actually matter to them? But most of all to you?β
Today, Wayne said he prays twice a day, and has made significant progress in improving his mental health. He told Acho that heβs βso happyβ, largely due to his ability to continue exploring art.
βTo be productive and put some music out and help some people put music out, thatβs what I love,β he said. βSimple clichΓ© β thatβs what I was born to be.β
